Lately I’ve been periling into the state of burnout. I’ve been pushed to a breakdown and further, and I’ve forced myself to keep rolling, to keep maintaining events, to push out productions and new innovative ways to connect everything online and it’s been so so heavy.
A lot of people that know me in the general public, from hospitality or social media don’t know a lot of the work I’ve been involved in.
It’s been a hard push, beneficial in circumstances where I allow compliments and credit to go to me, but most of the time I don’t. And it sometimes feels like a forced choice. When you are in the arts, especially in events and social justice, activism and pushing a platform so that others can be seen, you tend to naturally want to hang in the back of the crowd and allow the productions/events to speak for themselves. There’s also the stigma that most don’t see you as a worker because they see how much fun you’re having from the outside point of view. They see the social, popular side of the events but if they don’t see your production and haven’t involved themselves in the arts, they may come at you with cynicism and subliminal uninspiring remarks, and it can be so simple as a cover for an excuse as to why they didn’t go.
I’ve noticed that sometimes there’s people that don’t seem positive but want to and come off negative. I bumped into a friend in hospitality recently, who immediately apologized for not seeing my last show, having an almost monologue of excuses as to why as if I was going to question him or make him feel guilty, not realizing that my last show was so sold out that even if he tried to make it in he would have been standing in the cold.
It made me realize how, ignorant people are towards the arts and theatre industry in hospitality, how they lack appreciation for something that they assume comes with ego and slacking off.
Meanwhile I’ve had to deal with building the social media promotional graphics, contacting venues, emailing for approvals on graphics, writing up procedures, writing up grant applications, building a bases of purpose, outlining how to call out people when we are faced with bigotry and racism, putting on a whole production and registering with established festivals, setting prices, promoting the events, shows, putting up posters, constantly proving whilst proving that you’re not sitting around doing nothing to hospitality people who shift blame on their lazy antics.